Afternoon run with the girls

“Today I found my Freedom” (www.bobgear.com)

My mother’s day gift this year came very early (last October to be exact) and knowing me the way he does, John gave me the gift of daily freedom and exercise with my daughters by purchasing the double Bob Jogger in a beautiful dark navy!  We were heading to CA for the month and I so wanted to take my girls on a run around the Berkeley campus.  Lillian was only 4 months old and John suggested getting the double Bob stroller to walk around the campus and at times take a short, but wonderful run (with Lillian securely in her carseat of course).  On my first mother’s day three years ago, John gave me the single Bob jogging stroller and it instantly became my favorite baby gear in the house.  I used it daily to run with Charlotte, take strolls along the Charles and go window shopping in the south end.  Charlotte helped me log countless miles as I trained for the Plymouth and Brooklyn half marathons.

When we purchased the Double Bob Stroller, it also instantly changed my life.  I could have the freedom to go on daily runs with my girls through our neighborhood; visiting the near by horse farm, grabbing a cup of coffee after a four miler or taking a walk to the local pharmacy.  The mild winter this year and great spring has given me countless opportunities to run with my girls. And on most days if I time the run right, they are asleep before I’ve clocked my first mile! I am so grateful for the easy of running with the double bob stroller. Most recently, I took both girls in a four mile race in town! I am so glad to have the flexibility to run with my girls something that I treasure.  As I plan my next marathon this fall, I know that both girls will be my inspiration and coaches as I train this summer with them.

Water play!

Dear Lillian,

Wow – you have now been out in this world longer than you were in my belly!  Oh how sometimes I miss feeling you squirm and move inside, but how lucky I am to be your mama.  You are such a love and sweet heart (just like your sister!) I love waking up each morning to your big green eyes and smile that lights up your face as well as mine.  Sometimes in the most recent weeks, you wake me up by giving me a big, wet kiss on my lips and then you start to giggle.  Is there any better way to wake up in the morning? No! Charlotte and I love watching you grow.  As your big sister, Charlotte loves reading to you, teaching you about her dolls and playing hide and seek with you.  Charlotte is such a great sister that she’ll hide in obvious places so that you can find her easily. Sometimes, I go into the kitchen and pick up just so I can  let the two of you play together.  I listen to your quiet conversations and Charlotte’s guiding words.  You are still an incredible nurser and this time around I’m trying so hard to take more pictures of your nursing so that years from now when this is all a distance memory I can look back and smile.  Your biggest developments this month have been with your speech and movement.  You can stand all by yourself for a few seconds at a time and are an expert cruiser around the house. You can say Papa, Dada, byeee and hi perfectly.  Yesterday, Charlotte and I thought you may have even said “Shi” My heart melted last week when you said Mama for the first time.  Charlotte and I were reading nap time stories on her bed last Tuesday and you said “mama” I thought my heart would burst with excitement! You still amaze me with your easy going and always smiling demeanor.  Making you laugh is always the highlight of my day. We love you so much Lillian!

love you love you love you

Love,

mama

Sometime during the course of the day we have those moments when we catch our babies from slipping as they try to walk, grab an arm of our toddlers as they take the stairs too quickly or rescue our babies from dangerous sharp corners.  And then there are the moments when your think your heart has stopped beating from a second, your stomach flip flops and you gasp for a breath in panic because you have just witnessed something awful. My dear friend Em wrote a wonderful post about having A Heart Flopping Mama Trauma when her daughter caught her finger in a door playing hide and seek.  I had a heart flopping mama trauma the other day.

I was folding my laundry on my bed.  It was a rare moment when both girls were napping at the same time!! I felt like I was getting laundry folded at a lightening pace without little ones to entertain.  About 20 minutes into my laundry folding party, Lillian woke up from a short nap.  I nursed her, brought her onto my bed and we played while I folded laundry.  She loved pulling the clothes out of the three baskets I had on the bed and we played peek-a-boo with shirts and socks.  It was such a wonderful way to fold laundry.  With baskets and king size pillows surrounding her I felt like we were on our own little island! In the middle of playing peek-a-boo with Charlotte’s shirts, I thought I heard Charlotte waking up.  Her room is across the hall from my bedroom so I quickly got up from my bed (which is next to the door to the room) and stepped into the hallway.  I was gone for all of a minute when I hear a loud THUD followed by a agonizing cry.  My hear dropped and it felt like it stopped for a split second.  I spun around and rushed towards Lillie who was now sobbing having fallen off my bed.  I picked her up and couldn’t help but burst into tears myself.  I quickly nursed her and examined the already black and blue bump on her forehead.  How could this happen? But I already knew the answer – Lillian is so active that she must have tried to crawl over to me and fallen off the bed.  How could I have let this happen, I was standing right in the hallway almost an arms length from my room and bed? Why didn’t I pick her up to walk into the hallway? All questions I know will haunt me for a lifetime as I can still hear the loud and unnerving Thud of my daughter landing on the hardwood floor.

After about 10 minutes she quieted and was soothed by the nursing so much so that she started to smile and babble words “mama”, ” baba” and “woof woof” Sighing loudly, I was relieved she seemed better.  Still not sure if she had sustained any additional injuries I called our amazing pediatrician, Dr. Mendes and he saw me right away.  I was so anxious waiting for him to see us, worrying that she might have sustained serious injuries.  He examined her arms and legs, her soft spot and eyes and everything was normal.  I took a deep breath in and it felt like I hadn’t been breathing for the past few hours. This fall is one to add to the books and I may have a few gray hairs from it, but I’m so thankful Lillian is fine.

For the past few nights, I can vividly see her tiny body on my bedroom floor when I close my eyes as I go to sleep.  I feel so irresponsible and frustrated for not preventing her fall, but at the same time, I know that accidents do happen even to the best of us!  Lillian’s guardian angel was working overtime on Monday and I’m so thankful she kept Lillian safe! As for me, my mama ego was badly bruised and that too will eventually heal.  I will now be more cautious and never leave Lillian on the bed alone until she is old enough to climb onto my bed herself! I will add this experience to my mental scrapbook as I did when Charlotte fractured her foot at 14 months.  These heart dropping moments are all part of the journey through motherhood, helping to make us stronger mamas.

When I have the time I’ll get back into my hobby of arts and crafts.  Sewing ordinary fabrics together to make beautiful quilts, knitting scarves and hats and creating beautiful scrapbook with pictures of my girls.  Today, I live in the moments between getting meals on the table, folding laundry (honestly, it is never done!) and finding a few moments each day to enjoy facebook and write on my blog.  ”Doing crafts” these days usually involves the helpful hands of my three year old and so we have tailored our hobby to fun activities she can do.  Instead of knitting or sewing blankets or hats, I punch holes in recycled cardboard from cereal boxes, tape yarn on one side and let her weave the yard through the holes.  For my three year old this is knitting and she loves to create beautiful artwork out of simple household items.  A daily look through the recycling bin and we can create an afternoon of fun crafts and activities!  I came across this lovely way to recycle old glass light bulbs and I’m so interested in trying this over the next few weeks.  I found the picture on pintrest and immediately wanted to create them for my home.  Charlotte loves picking flowers out of our garden and this will be a great craft to do together.  This is a great way to recycle old light bulbs and create beautiful vases to hold all the flowers coming into bloom!

Wow, how you have changed and grown this month! You have perfected the art of crawling and after a few weeks of mastering the important skill you moved on to standing and cruising across my furniture.  I’ll sit you down in the den, which is off of the kitchen and you’ll light up the room with your smile and then find a way to meet me at the sink by crawling and cruising into the next room. I’m so impressed with your cruising skill and just yesterday you amazed me once again when you stood without holding onto anything for a few seconds.  You were so proud (as you should be) and started to laugh and smile at your accomplishment.  Your big sister, Charlotte, is so excited that you are standing and cruising and loves to take you by the hands and help you stand, giving you great encouragement.  One of our favorite activities during the day is teaching you new sounds and words.  Just the other day, Charlotte taught you how to say the sound “la” and “baba” and “woof” You love practicing your new sounds so much so that I will sometimes catch you saying them to your sister while we are driving in the car!  Some of my favorite moments during the day is watching you and Charlotte “play” Charlotte loves to tell you all about her toys, the latest picture she is coloring or the puzzle she is putting together.  You are such a great sister by laughing and smiling at her stories.  You have really started to love reading especially the “touch and feel” book.  Playing “peek-a-boo” is one of Charlotte’s favorite games to play with you.  Just like your sister, you love  exploring new foods, tastes and textures.  One of your favorite foods is strawberries and I love how messy you get eating them.  One of my favorite moments during the day is bedtime because after I put Charlotte to bed and you get up around midnight, I bring you in and snuggle with you! I remember vividly doing this with Charlotte when she was 9 months and I love that you also love to snuggle with your mama.  I’m so excited for the upcoming warm weather so that we can play outside in the lawn, have picnics at the park and enjoy long summer nights under the stars.  We love you so very much and I cherish every single moment of every day with you and your sister.

I love you so much Lillian

Love,

Mom

Oh how I wish that more of my days look like the picture out of one of Norman Rockwell’s beautiful images, but more often than not the days ebb and flows of the day are filled with both the high and lows of riding on the motherhood roller coaster! I love thrill rides and motherhood it the ultimate thrill ride! Everyday is different while the rhythm of the day will be the same; the outcome may be different. Take this morning, we woke up and I decided not to stress myself out with trying to take a shower, make all the bed and get both girls dressed so we went down stairs in our PJs for breakfast.  Beds were made and clothes for the day in a pile sitting on the kitchen counter. We all ate and I had a large cup of coffee enjoying the quiet and peacefulness of the morning.  Bon Iver played in the background as we discussed our day.  We had made plans to go visit my grandmother and so slowly we started to get ourselves ready to get in the car.  The beautiful morning moments started to fade as Lillian began to get tired and started fussing (which is typical as the morning nap approached) And I knew we needed to get everyone in the car, dressed (if possible) before a melt down! We all made it in the car with a few tears shed but I wasn’t counting out putting the girls in the car with PJs on (which I’ve done before when visiting my mom and Nina!) We made it out of the house, I was showered (no makeup on but I didn’t care!), kiddos dressed and fed and house fairly tiddy! And in the quiet car with Charlotte’s music playing in the background, I realized we may not alway have the picture perfect moments during the day, but when we do we should cherish and savor them! Many parts of motherhood will be messy and if we can see past the mess we can find those beautiful perfect moments that bring us confidence and make us beam.  It is like the moment before the big drop or upside down loop on a roller coaster, getting to the “big roller coaster moment” may be a little bumpy but it is worth the thrill.

Photo credit

1. Riding with Charlotte on Winnie the Pooh and Finding Nemo (four times)

2. Meeting Mickey Mouse with Charlotte and Lillian

3. Having the entire Hollywood Studios park to ourselves for the Ocean Spray Dinner. Riding on the Rock ‘n’ roller coaster and Tower of Terror several times without any lines was pure fun!

4. Not having to make breakfast, lunch or dinner for 10 days!!

5. Nightly family dinners with my folks and sister

6. Safari ride at Animal Kingdom

7. Watching Charlotte with my mom and dad soak up with magic of Disney

8. Warm sunny weather for 10 days!

Oh Canada (in Epcot)

Mini Mickey Mouse

Say Mickey Mouse

Magic Kindgom

Charlotte and Snow White (topiary)

Finding Nemo (in Epcot)