“You know the nearer your destination the more your slip sliding away” Paul Simon
As Lillian’s first birthday approaches much faster than I’d like, the more quickly I feel the infancy and baby phase of her life slip sliding away. Today in the quiet of the afternoon as I listened to the drops of rain splashing again the side of the window in her room, I was struck by this wave of sadness thinking about how soon her first birthday was approaching. Lillian lay asleep in my arms quietly nursing and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her sleepy face. Charlotte was napping and I instead of putting Lillian in her bed after she finished nursing to sleep for nap, I sat watching her sleep wishing I could hold onto the moment forever. As I looked into her face, I realized just how big she has grown. The heft of her body was noticeably heavier today and the size of her head, arms and legs just seemed bigger. I know it is inevitable that Lillian will grow older day by day, but oh how I wish I could freeze time for a moment and soak up all her “babyness” before it slips away forever. I have mixed emotions about Lillian turning one. I am so proud of how far we have come as a family celebrating a year with my two girls. However, this could be my last baby…forever… oh how strange it is for me to think that this might be my last baby, the last time to nurse and cuddle with an infant! The second time around, I have tried to savor and cherish this first year with every beautiful moment and blessings that my newborn and baby has brought into our life. Still I can’t help but feel like the closer we get to a year, the quicker the infancy stage is slipping away. I know from my amazing three year old that I have so many wonderful moments ahead watching Lillian develop into a toddler! For now though, each night when I have my daughters falling asleep next to me, I gaze into their sleepy faces, feeling like in some ways I have paused the passing of time.