Sleep baby sleep (Part 1)
It was a hot late-August morning last summer, when I woke up at 5:30 a.m. as usual to start my day with Charlotte. She was almost 8 months old and I was still waking up with her at least once a night. Sometimes we nursed, sometimes I would rock her back to sleep, and most times I would do what ever it took (even if that meant bringing her into my bed) to get her back to bed so I could get a few more precious hours of sleep before we started our day. I remember that particular morning because on that morning I decided to try sleep training.
Up until this point, I had been hoping that one magical day she would just sleep through the night on her own without any of the sleep training. For the most part I practice attachment parenting and so I responded to Charlotte every night when she awoke. I typically would go in and try to get her back to sleep without picking her up (which seems to be the “must do” of sleep training) but inevitably, her big tears and cries would get the better of me and I would pick her up after a few minutes!
So beginning in late August of last year over the course of weeks, I tried various sleep training techniques. I first read blogs, books and websites that explained the different sleep training methods and decided to try several to see if any would work.
- I tried Cry-it-out, which was a disaster at first and ended with Charlotte crying so hard she got sick. After two night of letting her cry-it-out for over 30 minutes I decided that my sanity wouldn’t hold up for much more of it and we moved on
-I tried the “go in and not pick her up” which also was a challenge because usually I left the room with her screaming only to return in a few minutes later.
- I tried the modified cry-it-out where you go in every few minutes and try to lengthen the time between responding to her cries – didn’t work
I would take breaks in between sleep training because some nights I just couldn’t bring myself to do it and picking her up and rocking her to sleep was just that much easier. I know that for some of my friends the techniques in sleep training worked beautifully and they had babies that slept through the night starting at 6 months. Oh how I envied them and their nights of continuous sleep.
A friend said to me that maybe Charlotte just isn’t ready to sleep through the night. At first I didn’t want to believe her but looking back on it she was right. Charlotte started sleeping through the night at 10 months old. On my birthday, September 17th of last year, she slept through the night for the first time (I like to think it was her birthday gift to me) and after that didn’t sleep through the night again until mid-October. I couldn’t believe it when it happened – I didn’t use any techniques or training she just slept through the night when she was ready.
Starting at a year, she rarely woke up in the middle of the night. If you had told me this when she was a newborn, I probably would have fainted! I wouldn’t have believed that it would take a year for her to sleep through the night! So many resources on babies and sleep will tell you that your baby is able to sleep through the night starting at 6 months and so if your baby isn’t doing it you feel like you are doing something wrong. At least this is how I felt. I now realize that getting Charlotte to sleep through the night was out of my control. As a new mom it was hard for me to recognize there are something you just can’t control (even if the research tells you otherwise!) Pouring over websites and books on sleep late into the night only made me feel more hopeless because nothing I was doing seemed to work. I did find some reassurance in the No Cry Sleep Solutions book and support from other mom friends who had similar experiences.
Every baby is an individual and what works for one may or may not work for another. Sure, it is easy for me to say now that Charlotte has been sleeping through the night for a while, but looking back on it I wished I could have recognized this. Instead I worried that she would be in kindergarten before she ever slept through the night – obviously not! Charlotte was going to sleep through the night when she was ready and not a moment sooner – a trait I have seen come out more and more the older she is.
“sleeping through the night” is a tricky phrase because it actually means a 6-7 hour stretch, not the 10-11 that we think an infant “should” be sleeping through the night. so, technically charlotte probably was sleeping through the night. ada had one long stretch, a nursing, and then a short stretch. i can’t exactly remember when we had to put our foot down on the 10-11 stretch but i remember that we could tell that she was playing us. and i think that’s really the difference… when you can tell that your kid is actually playing you, then it’s time to put your foot down, cause there is no end to those games!
i have to say though, it was probably the hardest thing we went through, the modified cry-it-out… jeff had to keep me strong… consistency is key. which is something i had to keep in mind this year when we took the binkies away. that was probably even harder on me.
Aw the topic of sleepy babies… it never gets old. We used the No Cry Sleep Solution as well (thanks to Laura) and then added some of our own ideas. In the end each family needs to find out what works for them and keeps their sanity. I loathe nap and bedtime. Especially naps. I don’t know what’s more precious than those few hours (hopefully few) when the young lady is resting peacefully in her crib. I turn off my cell phone, lock the dogs in the sun room, and tip-toe around the house. If I can help it I don’t flush toilets, talk, or walk on the boards that I know creak. I don’t mess around!!! Thanks for writing and sharing Al!